Disappointed Expectations written 10/2013 but still struggle with disappointing situations.
I was lying in bed this morning and started to process and reflect. I took yesterday off from work to catch up on all the things I needed to do and usually have a difficult time getting complete due to life, which consists of work and school. I managed to cross a few things off my list but not nearly as much I had wanted. I felt a cool breeze of disappointment sweep over me. I told the Lord how Laziness and I have become good friends lately, a dysfunctional friendship because I don’t get a lot done. I thought of Romans 7:15 “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.” I often make mental lists of all the things I want or need to do yet I end up doing things that don’t matter, things that to eat up my minutes like how Ms. Pac-Man chomps on lil white dots. As a wave of disappointment settled in, I wondered if God feels disappointed? God is all knowing, is everywhere and nothing shocks him, is it possible to truly disappoint him? In the realms of love, is there a difference between disappointment and expectation? 1 Corinthians 13 teaches that love hopes all things, so when hope is present, is it possible to disappoint? isn’t hoping always looking up and only disappointment is looking down due to the unforeseen circumstances. God is all expecting so can he be disappointed in me if nothing I do actually shocks him. If God sets an expectation for me and he loves me, instead of disappointment, does he feel only hope and patience. In that regard, if God feels that way with me, is it possible that I could offer myself the same amount of grace? what if disappointment is merely a commissioned third-party emotion hired and paid by the enemy?
If I tossed out disappointment, looked straight to my expectation, would my goals be easier to reach without anything weighting me down. This week I was bummed due to a disappointing situation. I had my expectation dial set a certain way so when reality switched it around, I felt disappointed. After re-evaluating the situation, I wondered if the disappointment was real or maybe my expectations were falsely set. So many times, months or years of feeling disappointed in something or someone and what waste. I should have kicked disappointment to the curb and remained hopeful and consistent, however I allowed disappointment to move in and he doesn’t even pay rent and he never turns off the lights. Instead of asking why after a disappointing situation, perhaps I should be praying for Godly expectations. The waters will rise, people will not always be nice and or fair but why feel disappointed? I have to remind myself to remain hopeful and patient.
With regards to my own personal laziness and feeling a bit defeated, I remembered my favorite sermon. I have a sermon on my old Ipod from 2007 and when I’m feeling sluggish, I plug it up and listen. Part of the lesson is, “Its not God’s best and its not your best and its your laziness and your inability to stay focused at the task at hand because when things get hard you wanna quit” and he continues to say how we need to let faith and patience have her perfect work. Then the sermon reminded me what a champion is “a champion is built at the point of conflict, a champion is built when people are talking about you and you still do what you know to do. A champion is built when you stand on God’s word with your head held high. A champion is not built when its easy to quit when it gets hard. You gotta ask yourself, are you gonna fly with the eagles or hang out with the buzzards because buzzards hang around dead things.”
My new expectation is to stop feeling disappointment when I fail or when my expectations don’t turn out the way I think they should. I need to be intentional to set my dial to God’s expectations. I need to un-employ laziness and disappointment and hire on hope and patience, allowing them to have their perfect work.
“Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” James 1:4-5
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